By Bunmi Sofola
Here, a marriage counselor who has spent 16 years sifting through the ruins of other people’s relationships, gives his analysis of how a partnership can lose its way, and a few suggestions for not letting it happen.
(a) Signs she is having an affair
Look for a sudden short-term drop-off sex:
Everyone has appetites – exactly where is she satisfying hers?
Radically different sexual behavior:
If she suddenly starts suggesting things he hasn’t done before, or doing things every differently even if it’s better, where is she getting the ideas from?
Sudden increase in working hours:
This can easily be innocent, but where’s the extra cash? (You might never know if lover boy is giving her over-time pay!)
Sexually transmitted infections:
Towels and toilet seat explanations simply aren’t good enough.
(b) Things she is getting from an affair that she is not getting at home
Excitement that is the main thing. Having a secret life. If you are clever enough, your marriage should be her secret life!
(c) Full time attention
He is trying harder than you. Usually a stop up, someone better than the husband in at least one respect – looks, money, youth.
(d) Mistakes husbands make
Not adjusting to the fact that you are married. Like it or not, you are now part of a double act, and you can’t carry on as if nothing’s happened. Women like to see visible signs of commitment, so cut down on after work drinks with the boys.
(e) Getting Fat
It sounds harsh, but there are a lot of thin guys out there who’ll be trying if on your wife.
(f)Taking her for granted
Undervaluing her, expecting her to be there and expecting her not to get suspicious when you’re having affairs.
(f) Over-working
A lot of high-achieving guys drive themselves hard often thinking it is for sake of their wives or family. But putting in excessive hours to generate your wealth just provides her with motive, means and opportunity for adultery.
However, painful, there comes a time when a marriage is beyond repair, continues the counselor. According to him, Violence is not a good sign”.
Some relationships survive it, but it’s always a black mark, never to be forgotten. It happens to the men more than you’d think; big, strong men sometimes, they just don’t defend themselves against their violent wives.
(g) Child Abuse
Again mainly perpetrated by men, but occasionally women. “If she’s with someone clearly out of your league. If she’s that ruthlessly upwardly mobile, you’ve had it. “If addictions are involved: Gambling, drinking, drugs, whatever, it blocks everything else out and people get pushed away past their limits …
Finally, you’re to remember that when your relationship is threatened, you must spend more time away from the environment.
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