Absurditan is an imaginary country where the weird, unusual and abnormal are the norms. In such a place, it is normal when the river flows up the hill, when a servant lords it over his master, when the weight of the pot exceeds the weight of the water, when a public crook preaches integrity to the public, when people with doubtful certificates regulate the process of certificate acquisition for others. Absurditan is the father of absurditanism, which is about life, reality and happenings in Absurditan. Absurditan is not one of my ‘products’; I think it was ‘manufactured’ by a friend of mine, Agu Onwuzuroha.
Two weeks ago (28/10/26), the ‘presidency’ intimidated us (more like intimidation, which is what they are good at) that the president would be going on the lesser Hajj to Saudi Arabia. He was going to pray for peace, unity and sustainable development in Nigeria and that our ethnic, religious and cultural diversity would become a source of prosperity. I don’t want to go into how he has managed or mismanaged our diversity and how inclusive he has been with his appointments, project allocations and funding. After all, all is fair in politics as well as budgeting. The trip was coming a few weeks after he returned from his European tour, which metamorphosed from three to four weeks (30/8/26-29/9/26), and after he had spent about 260 days outside Nigeria since 2023.
“Whether people are religious or are pretending to be religious, it will be between them and their God on the day when accounts would be rendered. My concern is the large and loud entourage that went with him at our direct and indirect cost.”
You do not go where God is because God is where you are! ( Unknown)
The reactions to the proposed religious observance were numerous and diverse. Lasisi Olagunju (‘On pre-sident’s pilgrims’ progress’) reminded us of the reasons why people go on pilgrimages (to pray, play, meet and do dirty politics, commit crime, japa, for medicals and some even with their mistresses to have a holy do!!!). He then thoughtfully (and probably after consorting with the Holy Spirit) recommended the following POWERFUL prayer points for the pilgrim-president: a leadership that cares, against electoral heist in 2027, for the hungry to have something to eat, for the satiated to be satisfied and for our giants to take their boots off! Is Olagunju also amongst the prophets (1 Sam, 10:11)? I never knew that he was, and is, a prayer warrior, because only such a person can manufacture these strategic, socially conscious, soul-stirring and spirit-filled power points.
Others believed that it was a politicisation and weaponisation of religion, especially after his not-so-impressive outing in Kaduna and perceived hostility in the North. Credence was laid to this idea when Haruna Dangyatin, the Speaker of the Jigawa House of Assembly, authoritatively declared that re-electing Tinubu was a religious obligation because of his deep Muslim faith (affirmed by the Umrah and his entry to the Kabba, his ‘MM’ ticket – I would have added another ‘M’ and his favours to the North). Some believed that it was a smokescreen for a medical detour to France. Atiku did not even believe that he was headed to Mecca, and as Thomas said, ‘Unless I see the pictorial evidence, I will not believe!’ He is of the old school, or else. He should have known that AI can even produce 100% ‘genuine’ pictorial evidence!
Another compatriot regretted that as Nigeria was facing life-threatening challenges, those who had the power and responsibility to solve or ameliorate our problems (largely caused by them) migrated to Mecca to pray for the solution. He concluded that ‘Prayer is important, but it cannot replace responsible leadership and good governance. ‘Nigeria needs action, not just prayers.’ He or she reminded me of the ageless advice to ‘work as if everything depends on you and pray as if everything depends on God. ‘ You have to do the do, and then God will mercifully bless your efforts!
All these do not concern me. Whether people are religious or are pretending to be religious, it will be between them and their God on the day when accounts would be rendered. My concern is the large and loud entourage that went with him at our direct and indirect cost. In the entourage were 6 state governors, including governors of the most terrorised and impoverished states, the Attorney General of the Federation, who should be managing the LIFUnised ruling against a judgement from a court of coordinated jurisdiction, the Minister of Defence (because killings stopped and are no longer issues of concern), and the Chief of Staff (who should be busy managing the Ebola scare, the state policing project and washing himself of the stain from the Fake Director General). According to Zeburudaya Okoloigwe Nwogbo, alias 4.30 (apologies to those below 50), ‘Are you seeing what I am seeing?’ The government of Nigeria relocated Mecca and enriched the economy of Saudi Arabia for those days, as they were having dinner after dinner (at least 3, according to Rabiu of the BUA group). The President had gone ostensibly to reflect on Nigeria’s shared aspirations for peace, unity and prosperity. He would rather shut down the country and turn Mecca into a riotous fellowship with governors and their bag-carriers. I don’t know how religious and pious these dinners and fellowships were. He went to pray for national unity and optimisation of our diversity, but the delegation was evidently skewed.
The most absurd of this? The president would schedule a trip. The Kotowing BATists would go to the venue in advance and line up to welcome him in another man’s country. How can a visitor be welcoming another visitor? Those left behind will also go to the airport. Abandoning their responsibilities and creating traffic chaos just to see him off for photo-ops and a golden handshake! Those who welcomed him abroad will also return in advance and line up at the airport to welcome him into Nigeria. And you know that in all these trips, the VP had never been empowered to act for him as stated in our constitution.
Well, welcome, Mr President, as you visit Nigeria again. When are you returning to France?
Ik Muo, PhD. Dept. of Business Admin, Olabisi Onabanjo University, Ago-Iwoye. 08033026625.
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